How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, & Listen so Kids Will Talk

How to Talk so Kids will Listen, Listen so Kids will Talk  Reviewed by Monique Lee

I was recently encouraged by someone I deeply respect to read this book.  This came about through a conversation where I was admitting I often felt like a total failure.  Each day I'd decide I needed to have more patience.  I'd vow to be more consistent.  And I'd most definitely never raise my voice.  Sigh.  Just like NYR's, they often fell by the wayside.  Particularly given I was pregnant with our 3rd child and often felt completely exhausted.

I have to confess, that when I started it I was skeptical.  I have a very strong-willed child.  If you have a child like this, it doesn't take too longe before you start to feel like you've tried everything.  So as I read through the first chapter, I was thinking there is just no WAY he will fall for this stuff - he's just too darned smart for his own good!  I perservered though, and slowly, started to see that there was some really good stuff in there!  Each chapter builds on the last and fleshes out the whole philosophy.  I have started to use this following particular technique with some great sucess!

"To Engage Co-operation"

1. Describe
2.Give Information
3.Say It With a Word
4.Talk about your Feelings
5. Write a Note

The example given in the book talks about kids leaving their wet towel on the bed each day. Mum nags, complains, threatens, cajoles all to no avail.  So to follow this example above, it goes like this:

"I see your wet towel is on your bed" (nothing...)

"Wet towels on the bed soaks through to the bedding and you'll have wet sheets tonight" still nothing

"Towel!" (said firmly and without blaming or lecturing etc)

"I don't like having to wash your bedding because of your wet towel"  Still no response?

Note reading something like:  "If you leave your wet towel on your bed, I will also leave it there, and you will sleep in your bed how you find it" etc etc...

So far, I've only had to get to No.3...  Yay!

So just when you think you've tried everything, there is something else!  I'm very thankful for this book, and for the brave soul who recommended it.  I believe our sons are too!